


Reconciliation

by This_is_your_Heichou_speaking



Series: Cross My Heart [7]
Category: Criminal Minds, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Kinda mild fluff, M/M, Mild mention of abuse, Mild mention of bullying, Past Harry Potter/Spencer Reid, meeting after a long time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-29 22:11:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10863105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/This_is_your_Heichou_speaking/pseuds/This_is_your_Heichou_speaking
Summary: Unbetaed.





	Reconciliation

**Author's Note:**

> Unbetaed.

He could see the surprise in Harry's eyes for just a second before it was concealed behind a neutral facade. The man looked remarkably much the same as he did years ago, when they were both still boys, except that Harry looked sterner, and slightly more bitter now.

"Hey," he said when they stood before one another, and then wanted to smack himself for being so awkward. _Hey_? Like they were friends or had even kept any sort of contact with each other for him to greet Harry so casually.

The man smiled ever-so-slightly. "Hello," he replied casually. "Here to visit Dianne?"

"Yeah, ummm, yes." Spencer hooked his thumbs into his pockets to occupy his hands, leaning back on his heels. "It's... good to see you."

Harry looked away awkwardly, nodding. "Yeah, I-" his eyes glanced up briefly, and Spencer was hit with an endless green that practically incapacitated him for a moment, but then Harry was looking at his feet again and his arms were wrapped around himself as if he was cold (or uncomfortable, a part of Spencer's brain analyses) and he was backing away a little, keeping a distance between them.

Spencer wanted to reach out and touch him, maybe even kiss him, but every tensed muscle in Harry's body told him it would be incredibly unwelcome, so he stayed where he was, clenching fingers into the cloth of his black slacks.

"She's through there," Harry told him, gesturing feebly through a doorway. "You'll probably have to sign in with the reception."

"Right," Spencer swallowed. He remembered a time when Harry was the only person in the _world_  who he was comfortable with touching and being touched by (except for maybe his mom), when Spencer could talk for hours about whatever crossed his mind and know Harry was paying attention to even the most random topics. He remembered a time when they were so effortlessly in love, before he went and ruined it, and he wanted it back so badly it ached in his chest.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, reaching out towards Harry's face. He didn't touch, merely let his hand fall halfway to the distance between them. Harry shook his head mutely, not looking at him except for brief, timid glances at his face that sent pangs through him. Harry being so unhappy around him felt so wrong, but then what did he expect? Who was the one who up and left without a backwards glance, who didn't bother replying to texts or calls or letters, who abandoned the boy he said he loved without ever even telling him he was leaving?

But now that he saw Harry again, it all came flooding back - the anxiety and fear and insecurity, the love and affection, and though he was still afraid, he knew there was no way he could go back to living a life without Harry. So, despite all of him protesting, he gently took a hold of the small hand wrapped around Harry's elbow, just fingers wrapped around each other, and took a step forward until they were standing close enough that Harry would have to look up to make eye-contact.

"I'm sorry," he said again, "I know you must be upset with me-"

"Why does it matter?" Harry interrupted, fingers tightening against Spencer's for a split-second before relaxing again. "You left, presumably by choice, and then pretended I didn't exist. Okay, we moved on. So why does it matter even now?"

"Because I-" Spencer flushed, feeling embarrassed, feeling like he wanted to crawl out of his own skin. "I care about you," he said, feeling so inadequate he wanted to hide in a hole somewhere.

Harry looked up at him, smiling bitterly. "You didn't act like it," he replied softly, tone gentle despite his words, and still Spencer flinched.

"I- I know, I'm sorry-"

"Stop, please. I know you're sorry, and I-" his breath hitched suddenly, and he seemed to draw into himself, wrapping his free arm tighter around himself. "I'm sorry too. I mean, I thought we were okay but clearly-"

"No!" Spencer exclaimed, then flushed again when large green eyes fixed onto him. "I, I was afraid. My mom, well you know," he took a deep breath, and Harry reached out to hold his other hand too. "And as much as I l-loved you, you were, you know, part of it," he attempted to explain clumsily. He'd never felt quite this lame before, not even when he was being kicked around to satisfy the power complexes of teenage boys, but then again Spencer hadn't really cared about what they'd thought of him. Not like he cared now, about Harry.

"I was a coward," he muttered, ducking his head a little. He stood more than a full head taller than Harry, and though he'd always been taller than the other man, the difference between their heights hadn't been this significant back then. He'd grown, it seemed, where Harry had not.

It highlighted more than ever that they were _different_  now, that they couldn't possibly go back to what they used to be, and though it made him nostalgic it also made Spencer feel a strange determination.

He wanted this a lot, and some part of him felt like it _needed_  this. So, Spencer rationalized, there was only one thing for it.

"Forgive me," he said, then, feeling brave, pressed a quick kiss to the top of Harry's head.

The shorter man's cheeks immediately flushed red, spreading down his neck and Reid knew it would probably cover his chest and shoulders too.

Harry seemed embarrassed, but he looked Spencer in the eyes anyway. "You still haven't told me what you want," he mumbled, smiling hesitantly, and Spencer couldn't help but smile back.

"I want you," he said frankly. He was shocked at himself - he had never been this bold or outspoken. But this was _Harry_  - Harry, who'd grown up with him. Harry, who'd come to him when the bruises and wounds became too painful and too much, or who stood up for him whenever he caught Spencer being picked on, despite his tiny size. Harry, who stood by his side and listened to him cry and rage when his dad left them, who helped and soothed when his mom's condition became worse. Harry, who had literally helped him _survive_  at times, so if Spencer couldn't be like this with Harry, then who?

The younger man was completely red by now, his fingers spasming where Spencer still held them. "What's that even supposed to mean," he said breathlessly. "We haven't seen each other in _years_ , Spencer, how are we just supposed to-" he let go of one hand and waved it around vaguely to signify what he meant.

"I- I don't know, but I want to, I-" where had his confidence gone again? Why was it that, all of a sudden, he couldn't form a sentence without stuttering nervously when two minutes ago he'd been actually _coherent_? He really wanted to smack himself, but he supposed that'd be even weirder so he held it off.

Harry was staring at him with an odd little smile, eyes crinkling gently at the edges, and Spencer didn't know why but it was _that_  smile that turned his knees weak under him. "Okay," he whispered, then repeated himself louder, "okay."

And then Spencer was reeling as Harry leant up on his tiptoes and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth, still smiling that strange smile. "Lunch?" He asked, and Spencer nodded dazedly.

"Lunch," he repeated, still half lost in the sensation of Harry's shy lips on his skin. His eyes grew wide at the quiet, musical sound of Harry's laugh as the man let go of him and stepped back, entwining his hands behind his back.

"I'll wait outside," he said, and then Harry was gone, and Spencer stood frozen for a long moment before he turned to the arched doorway leading to the ward his mother was housed in.

He was having lunch with Harry.

The world seemed a lot brighter all of a sudden.


End file.
